Backup - The Drastic Effect on the Household
Monday Feb 26/2024 - 12:45 PM - I'm sitting alone on a gurney in the Waterville ER for a while now, my wife was with me at first but had to leave for a bit. The ER doctor enters the room after checking the CT scan results produced at 11:41 AM. He looks at me with a very serious face and tells me he has bad news for me. I said I figured that....waiting for the news. "You have cancer throughout your bones and an extremely high PSA value. I have to do a prostate exam." I take in stride saying okay. I'm in shock but don't realize it, I'm going along with whatever the doctor wants to do in a calm, cool collected way. The doctor finds a more private room and does the exam and I return to the original room where my wife would expect me to be.
~ 1:45 PM I'm back at the room, Michele walks in and asks what is going on. The doctor comes in around the same time and I give her the news - "I have cancer through all my bones and prostrate" She breaks out in tears absorbing the terrible news. She is devastated and I'm still in shock.
We leave the hospital, Michele is driving can hardly see the road from all the crying. The ER doctor has informed my family doctor and others for follow up appointments. We arrive home, get somewhat settled and discuss next steps. Our lives are changed forever.
Monday evening is now upon us after long very emotional chats. What are the next steps? Let's try and get some sleep and tackle that in the morning.
Tuesday Feb 27th/2024 - 4:00 AM. I woke up from a restless sleep not being able to get very comfortable. I go downstairs and make a green tea with honey and turn on Netflix to help distract me from the extreme pain in my hips and legs. I have taken 500mg of Naproxen and an additional 800 mg of Ibuprofen to help manage the pain.
While I'm awake I'm thinking of what the ER doctor had said about my PSA levels. I'm a type 1 diabetic having to get blood tests often over the years. My PSA level back in 2018 was 3.2 which is normal. So why wouldn't this PSA level be part of standard lab testing (being a male) over the years? It certainly would have caught the rising PSA value much earlier, possibly even years earlier when more effective action could have been implemented. It's making me angry to think that just a simple blood test checkmark on a form would have made a lifetime difference. My emotions are all over the place and I realize there is nothing I can do to change the past. Yet, I'll be asking some hard questions of my doctors as to why this isn't a standard test for males - especially over 50. It just makes no sense to me.
Tuesday, is a hard day more for my wife than me; I'm still in shock and the news hasn't really sunk in yet. As the day progresses, Michele and I make calls to our family members that are spread out over the country. They are shocked by the news and while the responses range from "I have no words" to "I'm so sorry" they all offer their support in any forum we need. I found it helpful to talk about the situation multiple times on the different calls. It seemed to help me accept my situation. It also highlighted what needed to be done paperwork and insurance wise.
There is a big difference between getting the news that "you" have prostate cancer, but we can caught it early and we can treat it, as compared to "you" have advanced level 4 prostate cancer and widespread bone metastases (cancer in the bones). There is no cure and you need to get your life in order and ready for what is to come.
Michele is awesome at paperwork and follow ups. She starts a list of things we need to ask and get answers on. Things like:
- How to make a Living Will
- Update my Will
- Check if there is disability insurance on our credit cards, vehicles and mortgage (short answer - NO)
- What government services are available?
- What are the treatment options to extend life and what can be expected for quality of life?
It's Wednesday evening, exhausted, frustrated and angry at the situation. I think to myself, what would I do without my wife? All the support she is providing while I sit in pain on a recliner unable to do anything but make trips between the chair and the bathroom for days now. If it wasn't for my wife I have no idea how I get through this. Of course - what would be the point if I was alone I think to my self. Thank God I have a wife that will stay with me by my side and we can work through this. Thank God I have super supportive friends too!
