Mar 7th - 8th / 2024 - No Energy
Mar 7th - I wake up at 4:30 still weary, my mind foggy and I can't sleep. It's a difficult time, where the drugs are taking a toll, sucking all the energy out of me. I don't like this feeling of being so lethargic. I spend most of the day between sleeping for an a couple of hours and watching Netflix movies. Of course with the hydromorphone and naproxen I'm not in pain.
I'm not one who likes to stay inside or sit idle for very long. A good example is if we go to the beach I can lay down soaking up the sun, people watching for about 30 minutes. Then I'm done! I need to get up and be active, take the dogs for a swim and find other things to do. A beach visit is short and sweet. Then I move on, go hiking and exploring (Those days are over for me). I much rather be exploring and meeting new people than laying down on a recliner feeling my body waste away. Fuck that!
Michele is finding it hard to concentrate at work. I'm on her mind and the future is uncertain with all the appointments and procedures to come. I feel so grateful to have her in my life, but she didn't sign up for this. It makes me very sad thinking of it and there is nothing I can do to change it. I love her so much it hurts.
I make another green tea and clean up the kitchen while I wait for the tea to steep. Back to the recliner I go where I toggle between watching something on TV and sleep. The dogs lay close by, quiet and watching me, They sense something is wrong and try to cuddle with me on the recliner. They are far too big be a lap dog, so I tell them to laydown on the floor. Their ears are down and they look at me with their big eyes. I fall back asleep in the recliner.
This is part of my Joy everyday! My dogs and Sasha's first litter of puppies, "The Avatars"
Mar 8th - Yesterday was a wash. This morning I'm feeling I have some energy back and I'm determined to make this a good positive day both mentally and physically.
My phone rings and on the other end is a judicator for CCP disability. She is checking the doctors report and wants some more information regarding my life before and after the diagnosis. We speak for about an hour. She then makes a decision and tells me I am approved for disability. That is great news as it will help with the finances. It's not much but it helps.
I have some lunch and decide to get out of the house. I head to my woodshop knowing I won't be able to stay there long or lift anything more than 20 pounds. No worries. The smell of the maple, cedar and other varieties of wood quickly brings back memories of creating cabinetry. I love building things! But, now I'll have to sell off the tools or give them to someone who can put them to good use. In any case I do some light cleaning at the shop. It makes me very happy just to be there.
The workshop is a place where I can reflect and think about positive things. It's a replacement for when I was younger (30 - 50) when I used to go sailing and kayaking on the Bay of Fundy. I reflect on the visit from Mark and the ideas that we kicked around. While I might not be able to physically do what I used to do, my mind is still sharp and wanting to do something that can leverage my knowledge and pass it to others to improve their skill and knowledge. I have mentored people in the past at work to help them understand computer data center design and programming. I have an idea to create a place for anyone that wants to learn how to build and create with leading edge technologies. Bring others in to help with the mentoring, maybe even from around the world via Zoom or other face to face chat technologies. Provide a lab with the equipment and friendly environment to educate and promote their ideas. More to come on this idea later.
